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Thursday, December 10, 2009

21 Ways to Screw Yourself in Semesters

You have not at all studied for the paper, all the days you got before exam went at the Xerox shop.27aug08_funny-exam-answer2 Your friend did not mail you the leaked questions. When you opened the book 4 the first time you found that the pages are torn by the fellow from whom you bought. Or…You have passed all your exams till 6th semester but you are not satisfied. So the diary will solve your problem and assist you to experience something new. Engineering life is incomplete without a back. Are you tired of passing in exams? Are you tired of being a 6.1 All clear guy? Do you want to empathize with all those back loggers? So this season get ready to do the undone…We present you 21 innovative and fool proof ways to fail the semester exams or even get kicked out of the exam hall during the exam…

Statutory Warning- All these stunts are performed by experts. So don’t try them by yourself without knowing the consequences.

Declaration- We hereby declare that if anybody fails after doing this; please don’t ask us to do your back paper registration.

 

  1. If it is a problematic paper, answer in essay form. Write stories. If it is a theory paper, answer with numbers and symbols. Be creative. Use the integral symbol regularly. Create your own imaginary symbols if possible. Remember to use as much variables you can.
  2. Bring Cheerleaders. Instruct them to dance every time you successfully answer a question or successfully copy it from your front guy.
  3. Walk in the exam. Stop. Give the invigilator a surprised look. And shout, “Who are you? Where’s the guy who took 500 bucks to help me out? Call him else I will call Disco Kid (to give one of his Legendary Punches!)”.
  4. Write "I refuse to answer this question on the grounds that it conflicts with my religious beliefs." on reply to every question whose answer you don’t have the faintest idea of.
  5. Write the exam with glitter gel pens, crayons, poster colors and fluorescent markers. If possible draw a cow on the front page and write "Click to Collect Chocolate Milk" below it. It might work if the examiner is a Farmville Addict.
  6. Bring things to throw at the instructor when she or he is not looking. Blame it on the person nearest to you. Give Innocent looks. For best results practice it in front of the mirror before doing it in action.
  7. As soon as the instructor hands you the answer paper, eat it. If possible ask for some ketchup. If he gives a surprised look, tell him to from Monginis.
  8. Bring a black marker. Return the question paper and answer sheet with all questions and answers completely blacked out.
  9. Arrange a strike before the exam coz you can’t appear today as you have to go an watch “3 Idiots”.
  10. From the moment the exam begins sing the 'Blue Theme'. Ignore the invigilator’s requests for you to stop. When they finally get you to leave one way or another, begin whistling the theme to ‘Dhan Ta Nan’.
  11. Bring cheat and staple them to the exam, with the comment “Please use the attached notes for references as you see fit.”
  12. When you walk in, complain about the heat. Strip.
  13. Try to get the students in the room do the Mexican wave.
  14. Bring some large, cumbersome, ugly devil idol. Put it right next to you. Pray it often. Chant imaginary mantras and sacrifice a cockroach. When the invigilator intervenes, tell him not to mess with your religious beliefs. And continue chanting in some inexplicable tongue.
  15. Do the 'Rocket Singh' dance on the top of your desk. And insist the others to do the 'Paa' dance step.
  16. Bring few beggar kids from CRP with you. And sing “Jai Ho” with them. And if the invigilator objects, accuse him of being insensitive to the poor.
  17. Bring a Cake with you and say Happy Birthday to the invigilator and start celebrating (Read Thrashing the Invigilator).
  18. Come running into the class and spread rumor that Microsoft has come to recruit & it’s on first come first serve basis.
  19. Get the entire class to sing the DoCoMo advertisement jingle.
  20. Point at any random girl and say "Hi Secret Agent Sally!”
  21. Stand up and shout "Yes it’s me who is writing the blog." The students will take care of the rest.

Monday, December 7, 2009

CVRCE Diary.An International Conspiracy?

There are three types of Guptchars in CVRCE.

1.      Normal Guptchars- They work for the blog. They honestly do day to day Guptchar activities for the blog.

2.       Talented Guptachars- They do Guptchar activities for the blog but from outside. Their identities are not known even to the Senior Khabris.

3.       Wannabe Guptchars- They ares otherwise known as Jansoos. They have sacrificed their semester preparations for finding out the real faces behind the ten bloggers. They are further divided into the following…EvilObama

                    I.            Normal Jansoos- They analyze the given facts and take calculated guesses about the real identities of the bloggers.

                  II.            ‘Zaroorat Se Zyada Talented’ Jansoos- They go a step ahead from the others. They take atrocious guesses about the real identities of the bloggers. And they have even more atrocious logic to back their weird guesses.

Our Associate Khabri, Mr. Kalakaar Kerry overheard the conversations of three such ‘Zaroorat Se Zyada Talented’ Jansoos. Keep some Saridons ready coz some of the guesses are so atrocious that it will give you all severe headaches. We reproduce them here for you.

  • ·         The students of GITA engineering college did it. Reason? Coz they wanted to create confusion among CVRCE branches. Confusion will lead to Laadai-Jhagda. Ladai-Jhagda will lead to strikes. And due to strikes the Auto-rickshaws will leave CVRCE in fear and take refuge in GITA College. Hence GITA students won’t have to walk 2 miles to the NH to catch autos.
  • ·         Princy, Krazy Frog and Co did it. Reason? Coz they want to break the unity among the branches of the final year students. Thus they can become more powerful and continue their dictatorship even more powerfully. Hence they can save Rs 10 Lakhs in 2010 by not organizing the Annual Function.
  • ·         The Diploma, Hotel Management and MCA guys did it. Reason? Same as above. They want to break the unity among the B.Tech students, so that they can take control of several college activities. Hence they don’t have to live like 2nd class citizens in this college.
  • ·         Barak Obama did it. Reason? Barak Obama created this blog so that the 7th sem students will waste their time reading this blog and not concentrate on studies. Hence their grades will come down and adversely affect their campus scenario. If they don’t get campus it will be indirectly helpful for the bhakua American Students. So, Obama created this blog to rectify the unemployment problem in USA.
  • ·         China and Pakistan did it. Reason? Coz if anything wrong happens in India the blame is put on China and Pakistan without 2nd thought. Bomb Blast? Blame Pakistan. Maoists? Blame China. Someone farts? Blame Pakistan. Controversial Blog? Blame China.
  • ·         Google did it. Reason? Facebook is getting popular day by day. So Google had to come up with a radical idea to rev up the TRPs of Orkut. So the geeks at Google created CVRCE Diary to increase the hits at Orkut.
  • ·         The TnP Cell/ SSCPL did it. Reason? To keep the students’ mind off the terrible campus situation in the college. So the blog acts as a crotch-guard for Placement Dutta.
  • ·         India TV did it. Reason? Coz people are losing interest in useless and fake-dramatic news on TV; India TV is venturing into the cyber world for continuing their hopelessly useless activities. They have also run out of YouTube videos to show on TV. Hence they are trying to brew controversies inside a college for a change. They are using CVRCE as a test field.
  • ·         Aamir Khan did it. Resaon? Coz he wants to do a viral marketing promotion of his new movie ‘The Three Idiots’.  Tom, Dick and Harry fit the bill.
  • ·         Ortel and Bsnl did it. Reason?As during exam times net usage is too less n in order to compensate their losses, they did it so that people use net every hour to check new updates on the blog.
  • ·         Tiger Woods did it.Reason? So that people can get something to talk about other than his sex-scandals.

Ok. Enough stupid conspiracy theories for now. All the above reasons are wrong. This blog wasn’t created to bring any disunity among the final year students. It was in fact created to give them something to laugh about, something to enjoy, something to break the ice, something to remember, something to look back to once these amazing years of our life are over. This is a humble request by the CVRCE Diary team to take the humor and friendly sarcasm of the blog in the right spirit. Cheers!

Thursday, December 3, 2009

‘Dimaag Ki Dahi’ with CS2 Sherni !

CS2 Sherni in ActionWelcome to our newest segment ‘Dimaag ki Dahi’, a new section in which we take the interviews of the celebrities  of Final Year CVRCE! We managed to get an interview with CS2 Sherni, The much feared CRni of CS2. This mission was a very high risk operation as along with the obvious dangers of directly interacting with CS2 Sherni, the dangers of Welcome Patnaik kicking our ass was luring constantly! Anyway, a huge thanks to CS2 Sherni and for cooperating with us and making this interview a success. Touter Tom and Ladkibaaz Larry reporting from ground Zero (With Dahara Dick and Hatasia Harry giving backup for such a dangerous mission) …

Tom: A few words about the blog…

CS2 Sherni: It’s funny when the jokes not on you....

Tom:  A few words about the final year life of our college…Are you going to miss it?

CS2 Sherni:  Of course. I never thought I’ll miss it...My friends circle, the ex-canteen (our home, our abode), my class CS-2, the bunks, and the list goes on... *Harry Becomes Senti*

Tom: Do you think that the blog is too offensive? Should the friendly sarcasm and humor be toned down a bit?

CS2 Sherni: It is fun when you don't take it seriously...But when it’s you that is being blown like a balloon; it might hurt a little...

Tom:  Should the blogging continue? Is it worth all the controversies it is creating?

CS2 Sherni: Actually it’s fun...I think nobody should take it seriously...It'll give us something to remember, something to be nostalgic about, not 2 cry but 2 laugh... *Harry Becomes Senti once again.*

Tom: Which is the coolest branch of the college? And why?

CS2 Sherni: Undoubtedly it’s Computer Science! Spearheads of a lot of things...it’s fun, its serious too, you do what you like and nobody bothers you...*The Non CS Khabris Sulk.*

Tom:  What is your advice to the final year students of CS-IT on what to do after the completion of B.Tech? We all know that no campus for them is coming!

CS2 Sherni: Don’t worry. We have a large college campus. We’ll find something. We are talented in many things. People take gardening courses! *The Non-CS-IT Khabris ROFL.*

Tom:  How does it feel to be the undisputed ruler of CS2? Any tips for Bangali Behosh in this department?

CS2 Sherni: Remaining healthy is my secret to success... Keep taking GLUCON-D...and save yourself from fainting...

Tom:  What is your advice to the people who hate the blog?

CS2 Sherni: CHILL...and take it positively...!

Tom: Describe how will you punish the bloggers once you catch hold of them? Why would you punish them anyway?!

CS2 Sherni:  First I’ll kick them...Then maybe I’ll applaud them... *Khabris exchange Hi-Fives.*

Tom: How high is the anger level of the ‘Canteen Commandoes’ as of now?

CS2 Sherni: It’s exceeding maximum limits...! *Dick Faints.Larry craps a brick in fear. Harry calls the ambulance.*

Tom:  Hum Chloromint kyun Khate hain ?

CS2 Sherni: DHISHUM !!!!!! Dobara mat poochna. *Tom Injured. Harry calls the ambulance once again.*

Larry: Any words on the band ‘Terrible-Noyze’?

CS2 Sherni: What!!!? That orchestra!!!!? It’s okay... only if it reduces its fee from 100 to 50/- per day!!! *The Khabris give a blank look. Apparently higher CGPA is required to understand this PJ*

Larry:  Agla IPL kaun jeetega?

CS2 Sherni: No idea… *Future-Tendulkar Harry is shocked. Whispers to Larry that Sherni must be watching only Baalika Badhu*

Larry: Estimate in how many days the cover of ‘Secret Agent Sally’ will be blown in the LH?

CS2 Sherni: Ten Days… *Harry gives a call to Sally. Call Waiting. Harry becomes jealous.*

Larry: CVRCE ka Agla Strike kab hoga? Predict the reasons…

CS2 Sherni: No more strikes!!!!! Wait!!!!  Do a strike for that...coz it violates the fundamental BPUT student life law...! *The Mechanical Khabris beam at CS2 Sherni with respect.*

Larry: Can we have yr mobile num?!

CS2 Sherni: No, Thank You...I am too polite to scold you... (College mein  dekhlungi!!!) *Larry trembles in fear. Harry runs away* 

Sorry! We had to cut short the interview. This is too risky! CS2 Sherni is too dangerous to be interviewed. Tom,Dick are still in hospital. Harry went underground. And Larry vows never to go to college again due to the threat issued by CS2 Sherni…Watch this space for interviews to come!

12 Out of 120? (Part 1)The misery of Mechies

Hello Friends! Touter Tom Here! I’m back to my sarcastic ways [B-)]. My last post on IT guys was quite a hit created quite some wild controversies. This in fact encourages me to venture into newer hunting grounds. Helping me in this post will be Dahara Dick and Anvil Screwwalla (Freelance Guptchar, Mech Dept). Before I start off, I‘d like to convey a message to one and all. 

“NEITHER ANY BRANCH OR SOCIETY IS BEING SPECIALLY TARGETTED

NOR ANY OF THEM WILL BE SPARED !”

I would like to echo want my fellow friend Sally said in her interview yesterday“DIL PE MAT LE YAAR!” Now let’s zero in on our today’s bakra. There were quite a few requests asking for a post on mechanical people. Friends, we cannot afford to miss out on you guys. One thing worth mentioning here is, MECH people have been the most sporting of the lot. Let’s see if that fact changes after this post!

The Mechies pride themselves on calling themselves a ‘Royal Branch’. This is quite confusing. I mean, they don’t have the building which has any qualities of a palace

  • All the toilet rooms smells of horse pee.

  • They don’t have a big enough porch to do khatti. (Well they have a big enough lawn, but it is mostly used as a lovers’ park!)

  • The water coolers don’t work most of the time.

Though we have to admit that the auditorium is an awesome place to have classes at. I mean we can sleep at the last bench undetected by even the strictest of teachers. Anyway one more thing that makes life miserable at mechanical is…

“12 out of 120! YOUR SEX RATIO ROCKS! ”

Out of the 12 most are already committed to guys of other branches. Mechanical Engineering had done kanyadaan to CS three times. Poor Mech. boys are left with only a balcony and a veranda, which they utilize to the fullest. Tell me honestly girls, How many of you are wary of passing close to their buildings due to the comments passed on by these unfortunate boys who are wrongly deprived of a fundamental right of jawani?! Sally is one of them for the record (Just Kiddin’)! Yeah, one thing in which they are absolutely unbeatable in is their maturity (PUN ABSOLUTELY INTENDED [;)]). BTW, it’s not their fault. After all they follow UGC principle that is screened every morning on DOORDARSHAN which says…

Padhne Likhneki Koi Umar Nahi Hoti”

But frankly friends, I sympathize with these fellows. I mean they are made scapegoats in every other occasion.

  • IT and ETC guys fought. But the Mechies had to visit the famed DisCO!

  • CSE, IT, ETC guys get away with projects downloading pirated versions of the software from the internet, at no or very minimal cost, but (grapevine has it that) the Mechies guys spend close to Rs.40000 on one project. Now this is ‘SARASAR NA-INSAAFI’.

  • They gave shelter to the IT people in the Freshers’ week but ended up locked inside Mayfair for not paying the bills. Inside reports state that the Mechies has stated a breakage amount of Rs. 15000

One will never be able to find sections as diff as ME1 and ME2. They are poles apart. In ME2; teachers struggle to get a class in…In ME1; teachers get bored seeing the same old faces every day, asking ridiculously silly doubts. One more problem in mechanical is mass participation. Here are a few examples…

  • Mass bunks translates into at least 5 nerds doing the class.
  • Group photo for Blazer day means 5-6 whackoes jumping around a car in blazers.
  • Branch picnic means 5-6 people going to some dumb place in a car.

Now some achievements of the Mechies.

  • Leaders in the mass bunk industry. They are the pioneers of keeping this tradition alive.

  • The undisputed gurus in initiating strikes, without which our college will seem so dull.

  • The Legend of the ‘PUNCH’ will be remembered for ages to come.

  • Highest attendance in the Famed DisCo.

Wait for the next post in which I am going to expose quite a few famous or rather infamous personalities…Till den enjoy da blog…Keep your comments pouring in !

Signing Off…

Touter Tom (Senior Khabri)

With inputs from

Dahara Dick (Senior Khabri)

& Anvil Screwwalla (Freelance Guptchar, Mech Dept)

COMING SOON: ROYAL BASHING: 12 OUT OF 120. WTF? Part 2 (Personal Attacks included)

 

Wednesday, December 2, 2009

Secret Agent Sally (Snr. Guptchar, LH Wing)

First of all, THANK YOU all for making this blog a success. Thanks for the 2500+ hits in just one day!
400_F_9148570_SK9sHjcTxlASVCY0uGo17FioUkBFhdOz Anyway. Now the BREAKING NEWS. We have finally managed to rope in The Pratham-Mahila-Guptchar right from the ‘LH’ into the CVRCE Diary Team! We cordially welcome Miss Secret Agent Sally to this blog. Many many kudos to her for agreeing to undertake this risky job (Though we had to coax her a lot and had to do huge bunches of Senti-Acting!) She will be working as a Senior Guptchar (LH Wing) and would provide valuable inputs about the daily misadventures in the mysterious castle named ‘LH’ ! Hatasia Harry managed to get a brief five minutes interview with Secret Agent Sally. (Hatasia Harry is a bloody miser. He didn’t have a longer and a more proper interview with her coz he didn’t have powerplus). Anyway read on…

Hatasia Harry : Welcome to CVRCE Diary! How does it feel to be in the middle of all controversies?
Secret Agent Sally : Actually I don’t know what the fuss is all about.According to me there should be no controversies at all.
Would u mind giving us a brief introduction about you?
Kya Intro doon?...Naam toh tum logon ne chun liya! (Secret Agent Sally)
A few words on the Three Senior Khabris…
Sach bataun to tum sab paagal aur sarfire ho. Lekin tum logon ka blog ka idea mast hai.
And the Guptchar-in-Chief Larry?
He is funny but he should know his limits.
Won’t Mr. Boneless Chicken be pissed off that you are a part of the blog?
Shut up! I can take my own decisions.*Blushes* (Huh? Really?!)
Your room number?
Huh?? *shocked*
Ok, Which floor?
*Laughs*. No Comments *Laughs More*
Ok then. Your laptop brand?
Kya? Yeh sab kyun jaanna hai tumhe ? *Still laughing*
Ok. Ok. So will this blog last for even a week after all the violent protests?
Hmm. Just be a bit careful. As long as it is in good humor it will last. I liked most of it.
Any message for our readers?
Doston ,yeh sab masti majaak ke liye banaya gaya hai.Toh please aap kisi bhi baat ko dil pe mat lijiye.

Tuesday, December 1, 2009

The Unusual Suspects !

Thanks CVRCE for the warm responses we are getting! And thanks to all the Mr. Anonymousness for the hate mails! (But please direct it to us next time. We don’t like the fact that you are giving credit to other jackassess for our hard work! ) Hate mails are our major inspiration! Keep ‘em coming. The number of hits the blog has got in the last 12 hours (1172 to be precise) is more than the number of people who watched 'KURBAAN'. But still there is an issue which is both shocking and painful for us. There has been a huge speculation about some of the probable names of those who are writing this blog. Some names make us laugh wildly and some shocks because we never wanted to be compared with these guys. So now let us put this post as a testimony of why these guys aren’t the bloggers. Let’s discuss about the most popular choices that have been seen as the alleged brains behind this racket.

  • Band-Party Patnaik - Poor kid is always desperate to excel Foreign Kumar Hembram in Mafia Wars. He is way too busy in Facebook to write a Blog. Often busy trying to copy Atif Aslam. And even if he is free, he can be spotted with Foreign Kumar Hembram in parks or. Something fishy. Right?
  • Dhoti Shaker Padhy - Please spare this guy. He is already being haunted by the Orissa Police for quite some time now. He is too busy hiding from PCR vehicles to be writing blogs. And he now lacks the courage to write against Knee30. Directing few B-grade plays does not make someone intellectual. So it can’t be Dhoti Shaker Padhy. After all the blog is funnier than the so-called Dhoti-Padhy jokes.
  • Paradip Kotipathy -How can one get so much information without coming to college !!! And when we mentioned the attributes of ‘Hatasia Harry’ (Backs,Loser,Frustrated,etc) we didn’t point at Paradip Kotipathy. He isn’t the only guy in college with backs and loserness! There are a bunch of them like World-Win Khuntia, Foreign Kumar Hembram,etc. Also the boy has a broken arm and we don’t have PH quota for entry into the blog.
  • Qurbani Shankar Lenka – When we mentioned that one of our Khabris was ‘dumped by girl’ it doesn’t necessarily mean that he is Qurbani Lenka. There are loads of Devdases like Frustu-a-Sis Panigrahi and Prusty’s Punchbag from Electrical. And how on earth can you think that this guy can write English?! He even had internal back in Communicative English!
  • Bhootiya Kutta - Do you know how many backlogs this boy has? If he still writes the blog with these backs then definitely he is going to pass B.Tech along with Pati n World-Win Khuntia. He is way too busy uploading photos in Orkut about same loser Wannbe-Roadies style cycle trip to Chilika to be writing blogs. In his free time he can be either caught watching morning show 2012 with Tomboy Sathpathy or trying to impress Angie by asking non-existent doubts.
  • Sourav Pakistaniya - This is the height of absurdity. We require full mards or full naaris for writing this blog. Anyone who comes in between the two extremes is a strict No-No for the blog! And he does lack the balls to write anything against any Mechie-kudis. This is an insult to all the senior khabris by speculating that Sourav Pakistaniya can be one of them.
  • Sumit SoundSoundWala- Have u ever heard this name? How many people does he know in college? So how can you speculate that he can be one of us? And from when electrical people become so intelligent? This is ridiculous.

Anyway, we will like to conclude that your wild guesses are down the drain. The real Bloggers are still down the streets roaming scot free. Anyway thank you readers again for making this ‘NOBLE INITIATIVE’ [:P] a success. Keep the hate mail coming at cvrcediary@gmail.com.

Signing off…

Tom,Dick,Harry(Senior Khabris)

Larry(Guptchar-in-Chief),

Kalakaar Kerry(Associate Khabri)

(Who had a party last night after getting so many hate mails!)